Emotions Run High

The end of September and the beginning of October have been fun, yet also through staying busy with fun fall activities our emotions peek through at times. What am I talking about? Well, September 29th was supposed to be my due date with our son Jamie. I was very emotional to the buildup of the day and tried not to cry on that day, knowing that he would not have come on that day for he would have probably been a week or so late, as was Garrett. When we found out that he was due on the 29th all I could think about was if he was a week late he would arrive around my birthday. How special would it be that Garrett was born the day after Bill's birthday and Jamie would arrive just shy or right around mine. I do believe that was probably more emotional around my birthday than the actual due date. My birthday fell on Friday, October 8th and Bill and the day were fabulous. He had an amazing day for the two of us planned. We went to Universal and rode the roller coasters and saw the Blue Man Group and just had a day for the two of us. However, that Sunday at church was Baby Dedications. I cried when they originally announced the date knowing that we would have loved to introduce him to everyone at that time, but had completely forgotten about it until that morning at church. As the two couples stood at the front of the church, I could only pray that God and Jamie could hear my prayers and wipe my tears. The only thing that got Bill and I both through that moment was knowing that we don't have to raise him to know God, for he already rests in his arms.


We have a small box that sits on my dresser, filled with little things, the blanket we rapped him in, the hat he wore in the hospital, the cards and letters we received, those that we wrote to him after he passed and a few pictures. Some days if I really sit down to think about it, I wish that we had so much more than a box. What I would give to be up to my eyeballs, in diapers and baby laundry!

I pray each day and know that he lives with his keeper and that one day I will meet him again and my heart will be whole again. Until that time I miss him greatly.